“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”
Buddha
This week I’ve written about self-compassion and how so many of us lack it because, essentially, we do not feel we deserve it.
And, often, when we feel we do not deserve something it is because we are comparing ourselves to someone else. We are standing in judgment, deciding that someone else is more worthy of “x” than we are – whether it is love, happiness, money, a job, etc. I had a misperception – okay – I had many misperceptions about who I was. And, my belief about my self-worth, in particular, was SO out of whack. I could readily tell you why I did not deserve “better” than I had because of all the negative self-talk that had convinced me it was all true. And, one of the things I did not deserve was compassion.
I’d been told so many times by outside sources that I was not a good person for one reason or another. I also didn’t deserve sympathy, patience, love, or understanding because I was so flawed. After you hear something repeatedly, even if evidence reveals the contrary, you take it to heart and believe it. I was so uncomfortable with the idea of feeling sympathy for MYSELF because I had been shown none for so long. I’d been programmed to believe that everything that was wrong about me and my relationships was my fault. If only I would “try harder” or change this or change that. I was certain I was never going to be good enough. This isn’t to say there were not things I needed to work on! I was a train wreck at times. My brain was an extremely lonely and sad place to exist for years.
We Become What We Think
Eventually, I discovered the idea of positive thinking, believing if I said enough affirmations I could change myself for the better, At THAT point, I would be deserving of love, affection, and compassion. But, I “failed” at that as well. And, it wasn’t for lack of effort, but due to the ingrained false beliefs and conditioning from my life experiences and society. And, there are a bunch of scientific reasons too about why affirmations alone don’t suffice, but we won’t digress today.
Thanks to Divine intervention, I found a program called The Vibrational UPgrade™ System that helped me rewire the false beliefs and heal the trauma. After working with me and my stubborn beliefs for nearly 18 months, my immensely compassionate mentor, Alison J. Kay, took me aside one day and asked me, “What if those beliefs aren’t even true?”. She probably asked me that before, but this was the first time I actually heard it and comprehended it. Isn’t it amazing how you can hear wisdom numerous times and not really HEAR it until you’re finally at a place to receive it and act upon it? Are YOU there yet?
Today’s Exercise (And, EVERY day!)
When your negative self-talk creeps in with thoughts such as, “I’m a failure” or “I don’t deserve happiness”, stop it and ask, “What if that belief isn’t even true?” You don’t have to answer the question, but you COULD! Yes! You could reflect upon the reasons WHY those thoughts aren’t true. The more you do this exercise, the less power the negative thoughts will have and eventually, they will be quite minimal. The process is not necessarily an easy, quick fix so don’t have false expectations. I found that I had to do a TON of talking back to my trash talking ego-mind to get it to simmer down and stop torturing me. Got it? Speaking from experience, please do NOT beat yourself up because you aren’t ending the pattern quickly! You are healing possibly decades of trauma and false beliefs!
You can also use the question – “What if that belief isn’t even true?” – when you have negative thoughts about others and/or situations in your life. For instance, if you’ve interviewed for a new job, your habitual pattern could be to think, “I’m not good enough. They’ll never hire me”. So, ask the aforementioned question when that line of thinking comes up. See what happens! If you do this regularly enough, you WILL see a positive turn-around in your self-talk and your mindset. And, with time, you will be able to extend compassion to yourself. You deserve it!
To my worthy friends, sending you peace, comfort, and compassion today.
Need Assistance?
If you found this article helpful and would like to do more in-depth healing of your trauma utilizing The Vibrational UPgrade™ System like I did, please book a 30 minute session with me to discuss how I may help you.
Need Inspiration?
I submitted two essays for this #1 bestselling book, 365 Soulful Messages – The Right Guidance at the Right Time. Over 200 authors submitted essays about meaningful messages that they received, from either here on Earth or beyond, that helped to shift their life in a positive way. The titles of mine are “Our Best is Good Enough” and “How Synchronicities Saved My Life”.
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