You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well.
Lewis B. Smedes
I was talking with someone the other day about forgiveness. Like most of us, she has people in her life whom she is struggling to forgive. I told her this story about someone I know who was abused by her husband. Let’s call her Joni. For years, Joni endured verbal and emotional abuse from her husband, in front of her children. 
Because she was so beaten down emotionally, she didn’t have the self-esteem, power or courage to leave him. She tried changing everything about herself that he said needed changed, but it was never enough. Eventually, she managed to leave and divorce him, but not without severe emotional damage to herself.
Since Joni had a child with her ex-husband, she wasn’t able to cut ties entirely. For many years, she was still subjected to his negativity, anger, and emotional manipulations. She harbored such guilt and anger – towards him AND herself. She regretted not being a stronger person. If only she’d stood up to him more. And, how her life would have been different if she’d never married him in the first place!
Forgiveness for Not Knowing Better
Eventually, she met a counselor who told her these life-changing words of wisdom. “We all do the best we can with the knowledge we have at the time”. The power of this sentence changed Joni’s life! She was able to begin to deal with her guilt for staying in the marriage for so long and the guilt about all the negativity her kids were subjected to daily. Joni started the most important process of forgiving HERSELF.
As she went through the self-forgiveness journey, she applied those wise words to her ex-husband. She realized he did the best he could with the knowledge and skills he had and according to emotional wounds from his own upbringing. No, she wasn’t condoning his behavior, of course. But, she was able to forgive him for it. He wasn’t an inherently evil person. He’d had a rough life (from his perspective at least), and he never learned how to manage his own anger and emotions in a healthy manner.
Some would say this man had a choice to behave differently. But, when we have such ingrained, unhealed wounds and false beliefs, they really can prevent us from making better choices that would improve our lives. We truly do become stuck and essentially have limited power over our own minds. I know this to be true from my own healing experience!
To Forgive Requires Compassion
I know so many of us have entertained thoughts of revenge for those who hurt us. Right? But, is that the kind of energy we want in our lives? For Joni, once she essentially put herself in her ex-husband’s shoes – i.e. developed compassion for him – the forgiveness process was a natural progression. They really go hand-in-hand, in my opinion. And, when you can forgive and have compassion for someone, you can then get to a place of wishing them no harm – maybe even wishing them happiness. What power that is!
Finally, once you can forgive yourself and the person for the behavior that occurred, you free yourself of the energy associated with it. Forgiveness is not about freeing the perpetrator from guilt. Again, it is about ridding yourself of the unhealthy energetic vibration. Furthermore, it is about TAKING BACK THE POWER you give away by harboring anger and unforgiveness. By holding onto this, you are still allowing that person to negatively impact you – to hold you down. Let’s work on setting ourselves free through forgiveness and take back our power, shall we?
Today’s Exercise
Today is the day you begin to take back your power – to take your life into your own hands. Here is a tool I’ve used for a couple years to find out what’s going on in my head that I am not consciously aware of. It is called “free writing”. This is best done with “pen and paper”, so grab a notebook and a writing instrument.
- Concentrate on this intention:
- I call back my power from all times and all places. I am my own person. I am good enough.
- Write this question at the top of your piece of paper:
- In what ways have I given away my power?
- Now, write whatever comes to your mind. If nothing is flowing, write, “Nothing is coming to me” or “Boy, this is really stupid. Why am I doing this?” 🙂 Don’t think about it. And, don’t analyze it! Just write what comes out. It takes a bit of practice, but the insight could be extremely valuable to you! Save this free write as we’ll be using it later.
- Review Day 1 and repeat that visualization.
Sending you peace, courage, and love.
Need Assistance?
If you found this article about forgiveness helpful and would like to do more in-depth healing of your trauma utilizing The Vibrational UPgrade™ System like I did, please book a 30 minute session with me to discuss how I may help you.
Need Inspiration?
I submitted two essays for this #1 bestselling book, 365 Soulful Messages – The Right Guidance at the Right Time. Over 200 authors submitted essays about meaningful messages that they received, from either here on Earth or beyond, that helped to shift their life in a positive way. The titles of mine are “Our Best is Good Enough” and “How Synchronicities Saved My Life”.
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